This is what happened the first time God spoke to me.
I was sitting in the armchair, about to go to bed, and I was looking at the usual detritus of life, the abandoned clutter that had accumulated on our coffee table: spare glasses, remote controls, hair clips, used mugs. I wasn't really looking at it, I was looking through it as we all so often do. I'm sure if inanimate objects had their own mythology on an afterlife, coffee tables would be purgatory.
In those days I would spend a considerable period of time looking through things. I was self-obsessed to an unhealthy level: everything that happened around me had to be analysed and relived, as I searched for purpose and relevance.
I sat--mulling--and then I felt someone or something standing behind me, which was odd as the only thing behind me was the brick wall. I knew exactly what it was, but my brain struggled to accept the Truth. It was undeniable though, the power of the thing behind was so great I could feel it pushing me forward and down, pushing harder and harder until I was bent double with my head on my knees.
I sensed that I would die if I tried to look at the presence behind me, its power was so great that my mind would be unable to comprehend seeing as well as feeling. Terminal sensory overload. So I asked what it wanted, in my mind -- I prayed.
No words were spoken, in fact my ears felt numb. A little like they do when there's water in them, after a bath or whatever. But even though I heard nothing I sensed that I understood.
In front of me, in amongst the rest of the clutter, there was a book -- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius -- in that book there was a message that I was supposed to read and understand.
I picked the book up.
I opened it randomly and read the words on the page.
"Take up your watch and let all your actions be led by goodness."
This may seem like a fairly unimportant phrase, but for me it had real resonance, it had power to it.
You see I had inherited a watch from my grandfather and had chosen to get it repaired, put a new strap on it and start wearing it. This was a recent decision, and as I read the words on the page, I could see the watch, on the table, right in front of me.
When I related this story to some people at church they pointed out that the word watch in the phrase meant something else. It was talking about being vigilant, not carrying a timepiece around. I tried to explain that I knew that, but that this message was given to me by God and so could be relevant on two levels: on the one hand it did indeed mean 'be vigilant' and on the other it meant, every time you look at your watch to see what time it is, remember what you've been told to do.
Anyway, I carried on with life, telling this story to anyone who would listen, but when I went back to the book to find the passage I'd read I couldn't find it. I tried searching the internet for the phrase, but it never showed up. I started to wonder whether I was looking in the right book, or whether it had happened as I remembered it right at all.
I'd been carrying that phrase around with me like a life lesson for a year or so, but was it actually true?
Well, one day I happened upon the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius again, and there, on page 31 was the phrase that I had been seeking for so long, or something like:
"Keep up your watch, then, as you have begun, and let goodness accompany every action -- goodness, that is, in the proper sense of the word."
Had I remembered it wrong for those intervening years? Maybe.
Did God use it as an opportunity to encourage me, to tell me that I had started out on the right path, had taken up my watch as I was supposed to and now needed to carry on? Definitely.
You see, for many people a coincidence is simply two things happening together that have some mutual significance, while for me a coincidence is something more: it's one of the ways in which God can show us his Lordship over all things, that he is the master-engineer, in charge of everything, and able (should he so choose) to turn all things to his will.
I frequently fall down in my attempts to follow this instruction I was given several years ago, but I'll never forget the message, or its importance.
In those days I would spend a considerable period of time looking through things. I was self-obsessed to an unhealthy level: everything that happened around me had to be analysed and relived, as I searched for purpose and relevance.
I sat--mulling--and then I felt someone or something standing behind me, which was odd as the only thing behind me was the brick wall. I knew exactly what it was, but my brain struggled to accept the Truth. It was undeniable though, the power of the thing behind was so great I could feel it pushing me forward and down, pushing harder and harder until I was bent double with my head on my knees.
I sensed that I would die if I tried to look at the presence behind me, its power was so great that my mind would be unable to comprehend seeing as well as feeling. Terminal sensory overload. So I asked what it wanted, in my mind -- I prayed.
No words were spoken, in fact my ears felt numb. A little like they do when there's water in them, after a bath or whatever. But even though I heard nothing I sensed that I understood.
In front of me, in amongst the rest of the clutter, there was a book -- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius -- in that book there was a message that I was supposed to read and understand.
I picked the book up.
I opened it randomly and read the words on the page.
"Take up your watch and let all your actions be led by goodness."
This may seem like a fairly unimportant phrase, but for me it had real resonance, it had power to it.
You see I had inherited a watch from my grandfather and had chosen to get it repaired, put a new strap on it and start wearing it. This was a recent decision, and as I read the words on the page, I could see the watch, on the table, right in front of me.
When I related this story to some people at church they pointed out that the word watch in the phrase meant something else. It was talking about being vigilant, not carrying a timepiece around. I tried to explain that I knew that, but that this message was given to me by God and so could be relevant on two levels: on the one hand it did indeed mean 'be vigilant' and on the other it meant, every time you look at your watch to see what time it is, remember what you've been told to do.
Anyway, I carried on with life, telling this story to anyone who would listen, but when I went back to the book to find the passage I'd read I couldn't find it. I tried searching the internet for the phrase, but it never showed up. I started to wonder whether I was looking in the right book, or whether it had happened as I remembered it right at all.
I'd been carrying that phrase around with me like a life lesson for a year or so, but was it actually true?
Well, one day I happened upon the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius again, and there, on page 31 was the phrase that I had been seeking for so long, or something like:
"Keep up your watch, then, as you have begun, and let goodness accompany every action -- goodness, that is, in the proper sense of the word."
Had I remembered it wrong for those intervening years? Maybe.
Did God use it as an opportunity to encourage me, to tell me that I had started out on the right path, had taken up my watch as I was supposed to and now needed to carry on? Definitely.
You see, for many people a coincidence is simply two things happening together that have some mutual significance, while for me a coincidence is something more: it's one of the ways in which God can show us his Lordship over all things, that he is the master-engineer, in charge of everything, and able (should he so choose) to turn all things to his will.
I frequently fall down in my attempts to follow this instruction I was given several years ago, but I'll never forget the message, or its importance.
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